1. Dreaming

22.01.2025, 2:36 pm, I am 32 years old, I am listening to music and typing this. The last time I attempted to make a website just for me, just for my interests, just for whatever the hell I feel like was when I was in my teens, and it was less website and more dumping grounds for all of my worries and my despair.

There is a lightness to existing now that I had not experienced previously.

The anhedonia - which had followed me around for almost all of my life, weighing down on me like a corpse that I was carrying on my back - is very faint now. I was watching a series the other day and found myself thinking "Wow, I actually enjoy this". It is exciting to feel that way. It is exciting to look outside of my window and see the sunlight and the trees and feel the warmth and feel some semblance of joy, and happiness, and contentment, and feel real. I feel real.

I have not felt real for a very long time in my life. And now I feel the possibility of life, and the opportunities to find beauty in little things again, and the weight of what people think of me and expected of me lifting off of my shoulders, and I am here now, and making my own little website, and gathering the courage to finally share everything I have ever made.

This page will serve as a log for the time I work on this website, from the very ground up to what I would consider completion (an actual layout, organized pages with all my art, etc) - I intend to take as long as I have to, and I want to enjoy working on my website as much as I can.

If you happen to wander onto my website and find this and take your time, as well, to go through everything - thank you. Sincerely, thank you.

Yours,